i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize