Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
