I'm really into asian looking animals
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
