i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The air was thick with penises
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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