Cold hands, warm shart.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
