ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
