the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
