Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
