You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
