If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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