I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
