I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
