6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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