her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
