I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
