I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
