Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
