Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
