Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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