This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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