FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
