this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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