kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
