I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
