I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
