you guys were way drunker than both of me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
