now i know why i became what i already was.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
