highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
