He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
