Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize