So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
