As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
