I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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