have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
