She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
