I heard we made out
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
