Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
