I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
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