shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
