They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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