It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
