I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
