So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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