I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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