I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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