I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
