HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
