I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
