so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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