I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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