he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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