I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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