you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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