God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
