im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
