I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
