I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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