I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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