I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
