I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
