Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
bring money and cleavage
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
