guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I need to calm my uterus...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
