Where did you get a picture of my penis
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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