I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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