just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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