I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
