If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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