Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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