My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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