I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
