I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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