I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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