Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
