Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
