Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize