Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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