you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
