I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
