If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
