the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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