I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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