Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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