Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
