I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Little spoons don't ask big questions
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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