What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
