Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize