I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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