I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
