I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
