so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
