I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
