Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
